Longest. Post. Ever.

There's this drug rep that I'm not too fond of (shocker). About 4 months ago, she was asking me if I knew of any good RE's, so I gave her Steingold's name, and then stupidly mentioned that I was his patient. She just had those sad, infertile eyes, and I wanted to make her feel better.. you know, like she wasn't alone.

Well, that was a mistake. Huge mistake. Because EVERY SINGLE TIME she calls on us she asks me for a reproductive update and without any prompting will tell me what her uterus is up to this month. We never talk about anything else. In fact, I don't even know her name or what she sells. And, you know, whatever. It's a 2 minute interaction every 2 weeks or so, so I can deal with it. And it's a good reminder to not blab your whole life to everyone. (Excluding the interwebs of course... I luf you, interwebs) Almost everyone on the planet knows I'm infertile, and she's the ONLY person I've ever regretted sharing that with.

I may cut her off next time and tell her that I don't want to discuss it any more. Or I may use her as a reminder: "Remember, Sarah, don't try to help everyone. Remember: people suck."

This week she stopped by to drop off samples and, of course, ambushed me with the uterus report.
Drug Rep: "Any Luck?"
Sarah: "Nope."
Drug Rep: "Well, I had some. And let me tell you it's AWFUL. I've never felt so sick in my entire life. I feel like vomiting constantly, and I'm so tired! I was just telling my husband last night I'm not so sure I ever want to go through this again! But we have our ultrasound appointment next week so I think that will make me feel better."
Sarah: "Well... Congrats!"

Faked a smile (not too convincingly because it wasn't worth the effort) and I ran off to my next patient. I felt slightly irked by the whole experience. But it rolled right off. I think I'm finally developing a Teflon coating. I am impervious to random pregnant whining! I've developed the mental dexterity to flip the bird in my head and move on.

Important life skill.

I'm wondering if I'm starting to emerge from my "Woe is me! I don't have babies!" rut. 

...Though, I am in the most positive part of the cycle. See the below scientifically rendered Diagram of Emotional State vs. Cycle Day:

But anyways, I'm trying to appreciate the positive parts of not having babies. I sleep in on my days off. If I wake up before Rob on a Saturday, I can go thrifting for hours while Rob happily slumbers the morning away. I visit friends & family on my own some weekends. We can go out any night of the week without adding the expense of a babysitter. We have a vacation planned around snorkeling and sleeping. 

I'm having (long term) visions of trading in my Honda Accord for a pick-up truck. Because the freedom associated with being able to haul ANYTHING would be awesome. I could become a master mulch mover! I could buy a couch at the thrift store without it becoming a day-long endeavor.We could haul home all kinds of Ikea treasures.

I have the opportunity of being The Cool Aunt. None of the children in my life are old enough to appreciate my coolness, but they will be one day. And I will be fun. Maybe I'll be the adult they talk to when they don't want to talk to their parents.

I'm going to get my eyes lasered in 2012 if we don't have babies yet. No more glasses, no more contacts, no more waiting to be finished with pregnancy before I fix the eyeballs.

They're silly little plans, but they're plans. I'd die of happiness if someone told me I'd be pregnant tomorrow, this year, or ever. If we don't ever have kids, I think a part of us will always be sad. It's not the life I'd choose if I got to pick, but I guess it's soothing to know that our life would be happy & complete without babies of our own.